Seven months ago, I would never have believed that I’d be sitting here writing this post today. Back then, I was sliding towards a burn-out, break-down state, angry, frustrated, feeling trapped and in denial.
It all started with a tarot reading on 27 November 2009 in the kitchen of Brussels bed-and-breakfast Au Paradis with Maria Scordialos and Ria Baeck. My original question had been, simply, “What’s going on?” I could muster no more clarity than that. The reading itself was as spooky as always, pinning me down and hauling away the tarpaulins of my self-deception. At the heart of the matter, I was not going through a needed transition, but standing on one shore, unable to see to the other side and caught in indecision. The reason for this was simply that I needed some healing before I could make the journey. What was blocking me came as no surprise – I was in a sanctuary that I didn’t yet want to get out of.
Inside the golden cage of my employment at the European Commission, while my soul was seeking to go back to the wild. In the mean time, of course, the image I was projecting out to the world was not that of a stuck woman trying to heal herself. No – I was showing the world how I was deeply into my creative feminine… dissonance, there. It was just beginning to dawn on me that I was ready to manifest what I really wanted in the world, and I had some relationships I needed to let go of. What the near future held in store for me was a period in which I would come to understand that what really pinned me down were the thought forms of my own conditioning. So there I sat. Yuk!
The dénouement came in the final card, the piece of advice: The Ace of Pentacles: Get physical and work at the level of manifestation. It was in the conversation around this card that we got on to investing in land. Ria – who was homeless at the time, and living with me while waiting for her next direction to show up – piped up “Yes! You can buy a place, and I’ll live in it!” She was joking, I guess, but as soon as she had spoken, I knew she had pulled the future into the room.